1) It’s not that I don’t pull weeds, I’m just sequestering carbon. 

2) I would take a shower but I’m saving water, and therefore energy, and therefore the world. 

3) Getting a Big Gulp is buying in bulk, and we know that buying in bulk is not only fiscally responsible, but environmentally correct. 

4) I’d go for a run but I don’t want to contribute to CO2 emissions from my elevated breathing. 

5) I’m not bumming a ride off you, I’m reducing my carbon footprint. 

6) Playing video games all night means I’m using electricity during off peak hours and I’m helping to manage our energy resources. 

7) My refrigerator is a celebration in biodiversity. 

8) I’m wearing the same clothes as yesterday to help Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. 

9) I let my trash settle before sending it to the landfill where it would be trapped in an anaerobic environment and never decay. 

10) Eating out of cardboard containers means I don’t waste water and energy doing dishes. 

Words that didn’t used to be dirty but are now http://jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=4227

Words that didn’t used to be dirty but are now http://jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=4227

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking.

With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite a few glasses of single malt thereafter.

Quite upset, the policeman gives him a alcohol breath test and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he has just been arrested.

The Englishman answers with humour: “No! Did you notice that this is a British car and that my wife is the driver on the other side?”

Heisenberg and Schrödinger Get Pulled Over

Heisenberg and Schrödinger are traveling in a car and are pulled over by a cop. The officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

Heisenberg replies “No, but I know where I am.”

This arouses the officers suspicion, so he asks to check their trunk. He looks inside and asks “Are you aware there us a dead cat in your trunk?”

To which Schrödinger replies, “I do now.”

http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=4221

E-cigarettes are everywhere. And now that marijuana is legal in WA & CO are they going to start selling
E-joints?” Or would it be a “doob-E?”

Imagine if the Lord of the Rings wasn’t in some fantasy distant past, but a very real distant future. A bit of radiation, a bit of mutation, a bit of high tech… I explore a rational explanation of how Middle Earth could be what it is.

Rare Peanuts Cartoon: Writers Block http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=2259

Rare Peanuts Cartoon: Writers Block http://www.jokeindex.com/joke.asp?Joke=2259

Why getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than childbirth

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say: “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”